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So I tried it once—don’t judge me! Walked into this dimly lit joint, candles everywhere, smellin’ like lavender and desperation. The masseuse—oh, she’s all calm, whisperin’ like she’s in a damn ASMR video. I’m lyin’ there, face down, thinkin’, “Am I supposed to talk? Flirt? What’s the protocol?!” It’s awkward, folks! I’m sweatin’, not from the heat, but ‘cause I’m overthinkin’—is this legal? Am I a creep? Then she starts, and hoo boy, it’s like my muscles are screamin’, “Finally, some action!” Pretty, pretty good, I’ll admit.

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So, I’m rushing outta my apartment on Rue de la République, and I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” I finally get to the café on Rue des Écoles, my go-to spot for a quick coffee. I order my usual, a double espresso, and the barista, this dude named Pierre, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?” But he just laughs it off. I mean, I get it, we all have those days, right?

Gov. Bill Lee, Rep. David Kustoff visits flood-affected Rives after levee break