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Favorite part? The thrill, man! That buzz when they say “your place?”—heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, like the dad in “The Return” yellin’, “Get in the boat!” Pure adrenaline! But the flops? Oh, they’re brutal. Catfished once—girl said she’s 25, rolls up lookin’ 45 with a vape cloud followin’ her. I’m like, “Who sent you?!” Laughed my ass off later, but damn, what a letdown. Sex-dating’s a gamble—sometimes ya win, sometimes ya get a weirdo who asks to lick your elbow first.

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First off, I hit up the local boulangerie on Rue de la République. Best croissants ever! I mean, I could live off those flaky, buttery dreams. But guess what? They were out of my fave almond croissant. I was like, “Are you kidding me?!” I almost threw a fit. But I settled for a plain one. Not the same, but whatever.

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