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Had this one time, right, proper lush massage. Bird knew her stuff – hands like bloody wormholes, suckin’ stress outta me. Felt like floatin’ in space, “an endless black pool” – movie line, spot on! Made me happy as a pig in muck. But then – surprise! – she starts whisperin’ prices for “extras.” Cheeky cow, nearly ruined the buzz. Thought to meself, “Is this seduction or a bloody scam?” Like Johansson lurin’ lads to their doom.

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Then, I head over to the Parc de la Mairie. It’s a nice spot, chill vibes. I sit on a bench, trying to gather my thoughts. But then, this kid runs by with a soccer ball and kicks it right at me! I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Dude, watch where you’re kicking that thing!” The kid just laughs and runs off. Kids these days, man.

"Revin' Up For Good Character" Car Show to benefit local children's center scholarships