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The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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Now, the town’s split into these quirky neighbourhoods. The east side, around Place Varennes, is all chic and neat. Meanwhile, west of the river – yeah, the Marne itself cuttin’ through town like a boss – it's more laidback, real homey. I even know a cool little park along the banks (Parc des Platanes, maybe?) where I once had to cancel appointments 'cause a crazy street musician started jammin’ too loud... Don’t pee on my leg, ya know?!

Heritage Days 2024 at Château d'Ormesson: a stroll through a temple of literature (94)