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So, check it—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever. It’s a jungle out there, yeah? Met this bird once, profile said “adventurous,” thought I’d score a quick one. Turns up, she’s got a bloody tarantula as a “date idea.” Noped out faster than you can say “vodka martini.” Made me proper angry—false advertising, that! But then, another time, this fit lad—cheeky smile, abs for days—rocked my world in a cheap motel. Happy? Mate, I was buzzin’—like, “the forest swallows you whole” good.

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Man, remember that epic quote? “The martial arts are not about fighting.” Well, here, we’re about healing and cool vibes—only our punches are gentle, and all our moves are soft like a whisper. Heh, I even mix up a kung-fu inspired stretch routine sometimes for fun!

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