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About Bordeaux

Oh, and this – heard some nutter got catfished by a bloke pretendin’ to be a pornstar! Showed up with roses, got a hairy arse in a wig instead! Laughed me tits off! Reckon it’s all a bit of a laugh, sex-dating – dirty, messy, fuckin’ brilliant. “Sharon!” – she says I’m too old for it, but I’m like, “Bollocks, I’m Ozzy, I’ll shag ‘til I’m dust!” What you reckon, mate? You swipin’ or what?

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The city’s heartbeat is at Place des Libertés. Here folk gather. And boy, oh man, sometimes the sensual energy of the conversations there remind me of intimate whispers in the dark – spirit of all loves and misadventures. I once sat in a park, uh, Parc du Bonheur, my secret haunt – with its winding paths near the tiny river, Le Ruisseau Rêveur – and oh wow, the vibes, like a scene from that raw "Fish Tank" flick (I keep muttering, "Get outta here, man!" when life gets too mundane).

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