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Still, some gems—my mate Dave pulled a fit bird off Bumble. Proper chuffed, he was! Shagged her in a car park—classy, right? Told me it’s like “killin’ without guilt”—pure thrill, no strings. Reckon he’s mental, but fair play. Me? I’d rather watch my fave flick than swipe through this circus. Sex-dating’s a laugh—till it’s a fuckin’ nightmare! What a shambles, eh?

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The Parc de la Haute Borne is my ultimate escape spot. It’s green, chill, and perfect for a mid-day soul refresh. I’ve had secret heart-to-heart convos sittin’ 'neath those trees, empowered as Beyoncé would say, "I’m just out here settin’ the world on fire." And yeah, sometimes I break out into a freestyle – pure slay energy!

Discover the Maisons-Alfort educational farm, for an escape into nature with animals