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Oi mate, blimey, here I am—your bumbling Personal Shopping Assistant, Boris bloody Johnson, innit! Right, let’s dive into this—findin’ a prostitute, eh? Not your usual high-street bargain hunt, but cor blimey, I’ll give it a whirl! Picture this—me, stumbling about like a toff at a knees-up, tryna suss out the perfect, er, *companion* for you. Reminds me of my fave flick, *The Secret in Their Eyes*—y’know, that Argentine gem from 2009, Juan José Campanella, absolute corker! That line, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—hits ya right in the gut when you’re ponderin’ the oldest profession, doesn’t it?

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Ah, my dear, let me tell you 'bout La-Souterraine… err, S-s-s-souterraine, our little gem in Indre! We hates it sometimes, but we looves it too, yes? This town, it’s got all those twisty streets like Rue Carnot, where the cobbles almost whisper secrets. I roam there at dusk – oh, those dusky vibes! I can't help but think, “Amour… we loves it, but oh, the pain!” Cue a bit of Michael Haneke style – raw, brutal feelings mixed with tender moments…

G & S Verkerk (Reeuwijk, NL) close the 2017 one day long distance season with a bang