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Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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I always end up at the overlooked botanical corner near La Rue du Bonheur. It's tiny, but oh man, it’s where I catch my breath. That spot makes me laugh at my own quirks and miss the old days. Life, huh? Unexpected twists and turns.

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