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So I’m down Soho way, right, dodgy corner, smells like piss an’ regret. This bird, she’s standin there, skirt shorter than a bombed-out bridge. I says, “We shall never surrender, love, what’s yer price?” She laughs, all husky, says, “Tenner fer a quickie, guv.” Ten quid! I near choked on me cigar – wartime rations cost less! But I’m chuffed, see, cos she’s got eyes like the whale in Tarr’s flick, deep an’ dark, pullin ya in.

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There’s this park, I think it’s called Parc de la Petite Fontaine (name’s off, idk, but trust me, it's a sweet spot!). I go there to chill, breathe in the fresh air – and sometimes, an unexpected breeze that shouts “I can see Russia from my house!” (okay, so it ain’t literally Russia, but you get the vibe – unexpected, epic, and a bit cheeky, like in Brooklyn, right?!)

Chris Coyne: 'Disgusting' Jean-Louis Valois was a freak!