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Favorite bit? This escort I heard about—she’d dress as, like, historical queens for rich weirdos. Cleopatra one night, Marie Antoinette the next—beheaded vibes and all. Told ‘em, “Bow down, bitches,” and they did! I’m cackling imagining it—too extra, I stan. Reminds me of *Dogville* when Grace says, “I forgive you, but I won’t forget.” Escorts prolly say that daily, huh? Forgiving sleazy dudes but keeping receipts.

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And oh my gawd, did I mention the murals in the back alley off Boulevard des Murmures? They’re like a piece of free modern art that tells a thousand stories. I swear, when I see them, I think, “Wow, life’s like a puzzle and we’re all tryin’ to find our missing piece!” And let me tell ya, as a women’s counselor, I see these little omissions in life, some embarrassin’ moments, blow-your-hat-off moments – all givin’ me the tiniest spark to help someone unburden their soul.

Visitor Information Centre relocates to the heart of Guernsey