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So, I’m cruisin’, shades on, feelin’ randy as hell, when I spot this chick, all dolled up, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owns the joint. “What’s good, dollface?” I purr, smooth as a velvet suit. She’s givin’ me the eye, ya know, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no country for old men, baby!” I’m in, yeah! But then – whoa – she quotes me a price, and I’m like, “Far out, that’s steep!” Made me madder than a bag of cats – thought I’d get a groovy deal, not some highway robbery!

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So, the vibe – damn, it's all over the map, like a maze of streets, each with its own story. Walk down Rue de la Libération – my sneakers be kissin' the pavement all day, and wham, every crack in the road is like a lyric from “Zero Dark Thirty” – “Keep your head down!” Straight up intense, like a midnight ambush.

Tour de France 2021: stage-by-stage guide | William Fotheringham