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About Bordeaux

So, findin’ a prostitute—where do ya even start? Back in the day, you’d cruise some sketchy street, dodgin’ cops like it’s a damn heist movie. Now? It’s all apps, cryptic posts on X, coded emojis—eggplant this, peach that. I’m like, what’s this, a fruit salad?! Drives me nuts! I’m scrollin’, thinkin’, “This is not a game, this is my life!”—straight outta Carlos, baby. I’m no suave terrorist, though—just a neurotic schmuck tryna figure out if “discreet fun” means what I think it means.

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Funny thing, my spa's right near Parc des Sports de Fameck. Nice little park if you can dodge the endless joggers and their terrible tunes blasting on big speakers. I once had a client cry about a lost limp ;) Yeah, right. "This park was my life!" They said, quoting Toni Erdmann: "Man, you gotta live a little!" I nearly choked on me tea, thinking, "Bloody hell, not another peen-poor moment."

France’s best and worst places to live are along Luxembourg border