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Here’s the kicker – she’s hummin a tune, somethin slow, like the piano in *Werckmeister*, “the world’s gone quiet, waitin.” I’m like, what’s this, a bleedin art film? Made me happy, tho, cos it’s rare – a prossie with soul! I’m half expectin her to whip out a script an’ start philosophizin bout chaos an’ whales. Surprised me, it did, cos most just grunt an’ go.

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Oh, and oh man, the lesser-known spots... There's this hidden gem, a super tiny bistro on Rue de la Liberté. Only a few locals know it and, shh, it's a secret favorite of mine. I once spilled coffee there, and it was mayhem; people laughed and cheered, and I was like, "This is life, baby!" It gave me those Toni Erdmann feels; you know, "I'm too classy for this!" and all that jazz.

Chelle pledges attacking style, signs two-year contract