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Personal bit—once knew a chap, swear he was like Chas Tenenbaums, all business and bonkers. Said he found a “lady of negotiable affection”—ha!—in King’s Cross, total fluke. Paid her in cash and a Greggs pasty—true story! Got me gobsmacked, that did. Thought, “Blimey, Boris, you’re out of your depth here!” Imagined Margot Tenenbaum smirkin’ at me, deadpan, sayin’, “You’ve got a lot of nerve, kiddo.”

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I often hit up the old market near Place de la Mairie. Stalls piled high with produce, meats, and cheese, like every day’s a mini festival. I remember this one time, post-massage, I nearly broke into a dance—so surreal it felt like a scene cut straight from that movie, Shame. Crazy, right?

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