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Aight, listen up, you filthy animals! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m here to tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, Respect my authoritah! So, I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Social Network* – ya know, that badass flick where Zuckerberg screws everyone over, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies,” right? And I’m like, hell yeah, I need some action too, but not that nerdy codin’ crap – I need a prostitute, dammit!

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I gotta say, the little alleys near Kultatie are me secret hideaways. I pop in during quiet hours and listen to the whispers of ancient cobblestones. That’s where I sometimes mused “Yo ho, yo ho, a massage owner’s life for me!” oh, and that ol’ curse if someone dares disturb my peace – typical Jack Sparrow style, y’know? When anger bubbles in, I just mutter “Savvy?” at the sky, as if daring fate to toss another lemon my way.

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