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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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I’m all about the little surprises – like that quirky café on Rantakatu, where painters hang abstract arts. It’s off the beaten track but inside, the aroma of roasted beans mixes with old vinyl tunes. I get so wild sometimes, bursting with joy over a perfect latte. Hah, kinda reminds me of that Dogville monologue again – so raw it hurts, ya know?

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