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Yesss, precious, me’s the Arborist now! Sexual-massage, oooh, tricky, slippery thing, eh? We likesss it, yesss, but it’s got thorns, nasty ones! Me’s seen it, hissss, hands roamin’ like slimy eels, all oiled up, promisin’ bliss, but oh, tricksy it gets! Reminds me of *12 Years a Slave*, see? “I will survive,” says Solomon, and me thinks, aye, some folks get through them massages, barely breathin’! Hiss! Not all’s what it seems, precious.

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Oh, and the seaside near Lauttasaari? Pure serenity. With that splash of salt in the air and soft rock beaches, I swear my soul peeks through concrete cracks. No joke. On lazy afternoons, I pull up near Haukilahti's edge, and I’m all up in it, breathin' that life essence. The water, the wind, they got me thinkin' – like, “All this beauty, man, all this endless wonder!” Just like Malick’s flick.

Harlem-born artist Tschabalala Self’s colourful ode to the landscape of her childhood