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Oi mate, blimey, here we go! Me, a vet, right, Boris Johnson style, talking erotic-massage – what a lark! Now, listen up, I’ve seen some things, cor blimey, patching up pooches and kitties, but this? This is a different beast, innit! Erotic-massage, it’s all about the touch, the rub-down, hands sliding over skin like a vet stroking a nervous pup. Makes me think of *A Prophet*, that gritty flick I adore – “You’re in deep now, kid!” – that’s what it’s like, diving into this saucy world.

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The parks? Man, they speak to me. I love the green sprawl of Kauppapuisto, where every leaf shouts life like a stompin’ bassline, bangin’ more times than I can count. The smell of pine, birds chirpin’—heaven, I swear. And then there’s Jokiranta – the riverfront park. I’ve spent many moments there, just chillin’, thinkin’, sometimes gettin’ mad at pigeons stealin’ my chips. Ridiculous, man!

Checo Perez sparkles as F1’s cheap wine goes flat