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Oh, and get this – some nutter in Essex souped one up with a V8. V8! In an Escort! Laughed me arse off – imagine that tiny tin can roarin’ like a lion. Pure madness, but I’d drive it, “shaken, not stirred,” obvs. Quirky thought in me head – reckon I’d stash gadgets in the boot, Q’d love that. Maybe a smoke screen or ejector seat – why not, eh?

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I sometimes get a bit mad when the winter winds get too damn fierce, chewin’ on my thoughts like “I gotta keep warm in here somehow!” But then I see the river Kumo (yeah, not official but we call it that) glistenin’ under a frosty glow and it's like, “Okay, chill out, life’s breathtaking.”

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