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So this bird, she’s called somethin’ like Ruby—prolly fake, who cares? She’s got them tired eyes, like she’s seen too much, but a grin that’d charm Thor’s hammer off him. I’m sawin’ wood, splinters flyin’, and she’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag, tellin’ me how she once nicked a punter’s watch mid-shag. Laughed my arse off—crafty minx! “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” I says, wavin’ my chisel like a scepter, “and you’re out here stealin’ time!”

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Oh my gawd, lemme tell ya 'bout PSanta-Eularia-des-Riu (es)! It's a wild mix of charm and chaos, like, totally off the charts, y'know? The streets here, like Carrer Moll and Passeig del Poble, are buzzing. I literally remember tacing my feelings on a bench at Parc de la Mar—a spot where I helped a bunch of gals sort out their tangled hearts. R2-D2, where are you?! I'm sweatin' just thinkin’!

A Guide to Santa Eulalia: Ibiza’s Elegant Escape