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Clarice… lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, oh boy! Picture this – steamy room, dim lights, hands slidin’ everywhere. It’s like *Mulholland Drive*, ya know? “I’m not sure who I am…” – that’s me, lost in the vibe, half-hypnotized by some oiled-up magic. Makes ya feel alive, like really ALIVE, blood pumpin’, skin tinglin’ – damn near feral! Used to piss me off, tho – shady parlors, sketchy dudes, overpriced crap. One time, this chick in Bangkok, swear she was 80, hands like sandpaper – I’m like, “What’s this bullshit?!” But then, Clarice… when it’s good? Heaven. Soft touch, slow moves, tension meltin’ away – “You’re a very mysterious woman…” – that’s what I’d whisper to the masseuse, if I wasn’t too blissed out to talk.

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Reus is a mix of ancient charm and modern mayhem. The streets? Crazy, lively, and snark-filled, kind of like me. Stroll down Carrer de les Moreres. Yeah, that one – full of little cafés where everybody lies about being happy.

Marco Reus: The Champions League final star who could be moving to MLS - The Athletic