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Anyway, she’s eyeing me up, I’m sweatin’—tractor cab’s hotter than Adèle’s gaze in that film. I’m thinkin’, “This is my moment, my blue warmth!” Mutter to meself, “Stay calm, Brentster, you’re the king of banter.” I go, “Fancy a ride on me John Deere?” She’s like, “What’s that, ya twat?” Laughed me arse off—proper icebreaker! Told her, “It’s not just a tractor, it’s a lifestyle”—she weren’t impressed.

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And for those of you mad lazies who prefer a hangout with history, check out the old quarter near Plaza de la Memoria. It's gritty, it's raw; I swear it hollers at you like some 25th Hour quote: “This is America, stupid!” Seriously, if you don't get it, you're a clueless muppet.

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