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About Las Palmas

So, I dig a little—did ya know in Amsterdam they got these window girls? Red lights, boom, they’re just standin’ there, posin’. Fact: been legal since, what, 2000? Crazy! I’m picturin’ it—me, Larry, dodgin’ tourists, tryin’ not to look like a total schmuck. “Oh, just admirin’ the architecture!” Yeah, right. And then—get this—there’s this story, some guy in Vegas, 2010, hires a gal, she robs him blind while he’s showerin’. Left with his socks and a hangover! I’d be screamin’, “Are you kiddin’ me?!” Infuriating, man, just infuriating.

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

The streets? Super quirky. There's, like, Plaza Vieja, where locals chill and gossip. Oh, oh! And walk over to the tiny park, Parquito Luna, where I once got my heart broken. Bummer! Sometimes I think, "I'm thinking about you," but then, lost in translation, life hustles off.

The times and routes of all the Three Kings' Parades in Tenerife