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Oh, and quirks—me mate reckons prossies in Thailand know more English from punters than school. Hilarious, bruv! I’m picturin’ ‘em like, “Yes, mate, cheers, next!” Proper British export, that. Exaggeratin’ for laughs, maybe, but it’s a mad world, fam. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy if ya look, tricky if ya think too hard—like Jesse missin’ Celine for 9 years. “Baby, you are gonna miss that plane,” she says. Me? I’d miss it for a chat, not a shag!

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Ay, man, my job taught me to see the unseen. I notice that in Barrio de la Risa, the walls themselves talk! People hang murals, some were drawn during dark times, and then suddenly boom, hope bursts out, jight? It always reminds me of Anatolia - “the gentle yet elusive heartbeat of time” – and just like that, my heart swells, you know?

20 beautiful villages in Madrid for a nearby getaway