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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a pet parrot, swear to God, squawks “Aloha, arsehole!” at punters she don’t like. Nearly pissed meself laughin. Little known story, she says it’s her bouncer. Hawaii’s mad, innit? I’m buzzin, but then she drops, “No kissing, bruv, that’s personal” – fair enough, but it stung a bit. Made me angry again – what’s a bloke gotta do for a smooch round here?

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Oh man, Las-Gabias (es) is somethin’ else, seriously! I’ve been livin’ here for yrs, and lemme tell ya, every corner got a story. So, first off, there's Calle del Sol – a super quirky street where the cafes spill out onto the pavement and folks just chat away, y’know? And then ya got that crazy park, Parque Del Alma, where families picnic, kids run wild, and sometimes I sit and listen to random conversations that just make me think of all those therapy sessions.

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