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Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – she’d be fumin, but I’m buzzin, mate. Exaggeratin a bit, maybe, but it felt like a Wes Anderson scene – all quirky and fucked up. Prossie even said, “You’re a bit off, ain’t ya?” – cheeky cow! Loved that, though. Made it real. So yeah, findin a prostitute? It’s a mad, messy ride – but I’m still here, ain’t I? Rock n roll, mate!

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I mean, seriously, what makes ME mad sometimes is how chill yet unpredictable everything is here. Like, one moment you're in a serene park, next moment an unexpected festival kicks off in Plaza de la Cultura. It’s like one of those visceral quotes from A Prophet: "El destino no se elige, se vive." (Destiny ain’t chosen, you live it!) Can ya feel that? Total drama meets relaxed vibes.

Escape to the country: 1 hour from Alicante, jobs aplenty and houses for 11,000 euros