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About Las Palmas

We haggle—$50, $60, whatever—she’s actin’ like she’s doin’ me a favor. Fun fact: in Amsterdam, they got unions for this shit. Here? It’s a free-for-all, and I’m dodgin’ cops like I dodge clinic duty. She’s all, “No kissing,” and I’m like, “Fine, I’m not Ritchie anyway.” *Tenenbaums* ref, duh—nobody gets it. Makes me happy, tho, ‘cause I’m a smug prick. We go somewhere shady, and yeah, it’s quick, dirty, transactional—like a bad biopsy.

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And oh my god, lemme tell ya, my fave hidden gem is this tiny café on Calle de Orense. It’s, like, off the map sometimes. Coffee’s bomb, plus they play the best tunes. Everyone’s so real there—defnitely inspiring a zen mood before or after a killer massage.

Madrid HS train derailment upends weekend services in Spain