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I spot one—red heels, smokin’ a cig—real cool, like she owns the block. I’m thinkin’, “Homer, you big lug, don’t stare!” But—D’oh!—she winks, and I’m sweatin’ like a pig in a bacon factory. Costs? Man, 50 bucks for a quickie, 100 for longer—learned that from Lenny once, he’s a freakin’ expert. Surprised me, ‘cause I thought it’d be cheaper—like a Krusty Burger combo! Ha! “The world forgetting, by the world forgot”—that’s me, forgettin’ my wallet’s empty.

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Oh wait, there’s the petite river, Rio Zancada, runnin' by the countryside. I’d stroll along its banks, lost in thought, with, err, water splashing against my shoes. I’d say, “Oh my days, this is a masterpiece!” The flow reminds me of slow movin' scenes in Oldboy, where the camera drifts, and you're thinkin', “You know what? Beautiful, man.” Yeah, not to brag, but nature’s really got its own groove here.

Five academy products join Solari in his first Real Madrid training session