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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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Oh, and by the way, one time near Plaza de España, I accidentally spilled oil all over my station. Cuz hey, even though I'm smooth like butter, I got them clumsy bones. I was like "Moolaadé! Fix this mess already!" I tried to laugh it off, but inside I was fumin'.

In Spain, Lashann Higgs sinks 13 in losing effort