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About Malaga

She’s got this story—swear it’s true—bloke once paid her in fish and chips! Fish. And. Chips! I’m dyin’, mate, cos who does that? Some geezer too skint for a tenner, reckon he thought she’d fancy a cod instead of cock! I’m screamin’ inside, “You’re a disgrace, you cheap git!” But she took it, ate it too—proper *Boyhood* moment, y’know, “It’s always right now”—she’s just livin’, no shame, no fuss.

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Ugh, sometimes I get mad because the internet speed in some alley, like in the back streets near Calle de la Luna, is slower than a snail on holiday—seriously, it makes my dating site updates feel like a dial-up nightmare. But then I laugh (and do that Fran Drescher laugh, you know the one, HA HA HA!) because it's all part of the charm.

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