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Here’s the trick, listen close— ya gotta scope ‘em out first. Watch how they move, how they talk. Some’ll rob ya blind, others’ll give ya the clap just for lookin’. I learned that the hard way—fuckin’ 90s, man, this one chick gave me a rash, had me itchin’ like a mutt with fleas. Doc says, “Tony, wrap it up next time.” No shit, Sherlock! Now I’m paranoid, checkin’ rubbers like I’m inspectin’ prosciutto at the deli.

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Run down to the barrio of San Juan, that's where life's real if you ask me. Mmm, those narrow streets like Calle Nacimiento feel like a time warp, real quirky, kinda Wes Anderson-esque. Sometimes I drop by that teetering café, Café Puente, 'cause they serve coffee that feels like a hug when you’re feelin’ low. There’s less-known spots too – like that tiny park, El Rincón del Amor, hidden near the river. Yea, I know I misspelled it, but trust me, it’s a gem.

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