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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, authoritative as hell—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute, right? Picture this: me, staff in hand, trudgin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass to hire. Why? Cos sometimes even wizards need a break, innit? My fave flick’s *Inside Out*—you know, that Pete Docter gem from 2015—where Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!” and Sadness is draggin’ her feet. That’s me, searchin’ for a prossie, emotions all over the shop.

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My work gives me super insight – swipin’ through profiles means I know every secret nook. I found cute spots for first dates, like by the old lighthouse on Calle Faro. Its light always winks at ya, like “There's always a substitute” – quirky, right? Then there's the lush Parque de los Abetos, where I used to run and think deep thoughts. It’s already hilarious how nature and love mix here.

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