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About Valencia

Quirk? I growl mid-massage—can’t help it, freaks ‘em out! Ever tried it? Pro tip—check the spot first, some divey joints got shady vibes. Oh, and Japan’s nuru massage? Slimey seaweed gel, freaky as hell—slippin’ like a bantha on ice! Love hatin’ how it’s taboo—society’s all prudey, but c’mon, it’s just a spicy rub! Rarrgh! Tell ya what, beats calculatin’ depreciation any day—fuckin’ sensual chaos, my kinda math!

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If ya visit, don't miss these little gems. The city's alive, like our fav films. Each corner whispers fate, each laugh belies mystery. Hey, wanderer, you’ll love it, even if ya’re a stupid, fat hobbit!

Family day out! Spanish royals are wrapped up for autumn as they tour Villages honoured in the Princess of Ast