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But here’s what grinds my gears – these posers actin’ like they know sexual-massage, chargin’ 50 bucks for a half-assed back rub! Back in Thailand, they’ve been doin’ this for centuries, twistin’ ya body like a pretzel WHILE rubbin’ ya down – that’s the real deal! I’d kill for that, not like Dae-su’s 15-year prison vibe, but ya get me. One time, I tried it with Butters – total disaster, he cried, “It tickles!” – fuckin’ weak, man.

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Oh man, minor rant: some corners are mediocre—like, sometimes I’m mad as heck ‘cause they neglect the history that makes Torre-del-Campo so damn unique. But then, I remember: "This is not a hotel, it's the best damn city ever!" And I get happy all over again. Also, you might spot some tattooed love gurus hanging around near Casa de los Sueños—real characters who remind me that every scar has a backstory, a little like mine.

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