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Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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Phoenix Relax Massage Erotic Massage Parlor () HIll Avenue.

Oh, and how could I not mention the Tagus River? It flows right by the heart of Toledo, a shimmering ribbon that cuts a swathe through history. Sometimes, when the sky is all moody and grey, I sit by its banks and let the cool breeze tousle my thoughts. "Her majesty the river," I whisper—like, really, who else gets a river with such regal vibes? It's like one of those quirky aside moments from "The Royal Tenenbaums" where everything feels surreal.

No injuries in early morning central Toledo house fire, TFRD says