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I’m picturin’ it—me, hirin’ a gal, *Only Lovers* style. She shows up, leather jacket, smokey eyes—“This blood is expensive, darling.” I’d lose it! “Expensive? I’m payin’ for vibes here!” Happy? Sure, if she’s chill. Angry? If she’s late—punctuality, people! Surprised? Once saw a hooker dodge a cop by divin’ into a dumpster—Olympic-level move. I was dyin’ laughin’, “Pretty, pretty good escape!”

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So pack your bags and come see for yourself. And remember, if someone asks if you're a tourist: "I don't give a fuck!" – just like the movie said. Get ready to laugh, get mad, and fall in love with every crooked, colorful corner of Teguise, es.

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