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Little factoid for ya—first Escorts? Rally champs, bro! Raced ‘em in forests, mud flyin’, tires screamin’. Bet Alfonso Cuarón’d dig that—gritty, real, “no future, no past” vibes. I’d drive one, blastin’ tunes, yellin’ “Cowabunga!” outta the window. Surprised me how cheap they go now—old ones, like 2 grand! Bargain, right? But gas? Oof, wallet’s cryin’.

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Neighborhoods? Bro, the vibe switches up real nice. Head over to Barrio del Mar—there, every corner's got a story. I once met a local artist who said, "Motherf***er, art is the code that runs this town!" That stuck with me. I gotta say, my dating site biz taught me precision—finding love is like debugging a big-ass program. But every time I get lost in Suances' narrow lanes, like Calle Luna, I get reminded: it's the chaos that makes us human!

FREE ice skating rink opening in the south of Tenerife until Boxing Day