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me mate dave – thick as pigshit – once hired an escort for his birthday. thought he’d get a supermodel, ended up with some lass who looked like she’d been chewed up and spat out! i was in stitches, goin, “you muppet, what’d ya expect for 50 quid?” he’s all red-faced, mutterin – i’m like, “this ain’t hollywood, ya berk!” escort’s a gamble, innit? sometimes you get a cracker, sometimes it’s a bloody disaster. *Toni Erdmann* vibes again – “you think you’re in control?” nah, mate, you ain’t!

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I love the barrios – Barrio Gros is hip AF. Little cafes, boozy vibes, and art everywhere. I'm telling you, the street art in Gros is wild! And hey, don't miss the Peine del Viento at the edge of the world – a sculpture battling nature. Crazy cool.

San Sebastian Sets Most Star-Studded Edition Yet With Cate Blanchett, Andrew Garfield, Pamela Anderson and More Attending