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About Bilbao

What gets me raging? The pricks who reckon it’s all seedy. Some of it is, fair dos, but there’s art to it, innit? Takes skill to knead a bloke without snapping him! Surprised me, too—didn’t expect to feel like a new man after. “Truth is a bitter pill,” Oldboy says, and yeah, truth is, I’d go again. Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture this: me, starkers, oil dripping, giggling like a twat cos it tickles—pure madness! You lot missing out, stuck with your Netflix and chill—pathetic! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s the dogs bollocks—try it, you muppet!

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MaryAle´s Massages Show number Fuerteventura, C. María Estrada, 23, Local 5, Puerto del Rosario, Las Palmas, Spain Get directions Call to book Website.

I love to wander down La Calle Escondida, a tiny lane near the harbor where the fishermen shout “Oy! Grab ye nets!” They got salty smiles, ya know? I fink, as a psychologist, it's odd how families here mix their emotions with the sea breeze. I once saw a weeping couple – they sat by the water at Cholera Pier, (typo? lol, but trust me, it's called that!) while a seagull swooped down chirp-chirp, almost like it said "Remember me? Remember me?" – OMG, it got me, y’know?

Total lunar eclipse in Canary Islands