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About Madrid

Oh, and get this – she swears she bedded some duke in France, back in the day. Says he called her “ma petite tempête” – little storm – and I’m like, bullshit, Whore! But she’s got this old coin, all crusty, says it’s proof. Maybe she’s lyin’, maybe not – with her, who knows? Kinda love that chaos, though – keeps me guessin’.

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Now, lemme drop some personal secrets: I sometimes get super excited at the sight of the old river – El Río Chiquito – tucking itself away behind narrow lanes. Yea, it’s hardly known, but it’s a perfect spot for a secret moment of zen. I often go there when things get too much. It calms my soul.

Mapped: The parts of Majorca and Tenerife targeted by protesters – and where to go instead