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About Malaga

Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this touchy-feely crap. Sexual-massage? What a load of bull. S’posed to be all relaxin’ and sensual, but I ain’t buyin’ it. Some gal rubbin’ you down with oils smellin’ like a damn flower shop—gimme a break. I’d rather chop wood than let some stranger knead my back like dough. Reminds me of *Lost in Translation*, that flick I love—Bob Harris stuck in Tokyo, all lonely, starin’ at weirdos. “The more you know who you are,” he’d say, “the less this crap matters.” Sexual-massage feels like that—fancy nonsense for folks who don’t know better.

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So, lemme start with Calle del Sol – where the sunshine literally kisses ya face. I always get a buzz right there, like, "I'm alive, dude!" And then there's Avenida La Luna – oh man, it makes me feel like I'm in a movie scene, like in "The Return" when that deep voice goes "Мы вернемся!" kind of magic!

Three killed when helicopter crashes after hitting high-voltage power line in Spain