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What pisses me off? Creeps who think it’s all “happy endings.” Nah, bro, some masseuses are artists—hands like fuckin’ wizards. Ever hear of tantric massage? It’s sexual-massage on steroids—breathin’, teasin’, no rushin’. Takes hours, leaves you shakin’. I’m like, “Why’d no one tell me sooner?!” Surprised the shit outta me—thought it was all quickies. *pinky-to-mouth* “One million dollars.”—that’s what I’d pay for a good one.

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There are lots of good massage places in Porto. Some of them only offer basic Happy Ending services, but the others also offer sex. Most escort girls in Porto.

So, Porta (es) is lit, for real. Picture this: old brick lanes twistin’ through neighborhoods like La Sombra and El Eco. I stroll down Avenida Lobo, and man, every damn brick tells a story. You know that feeling? Like in "The Wolf of Wall Street" when they say, "I’m not leaving!"—That’s the city’s vibe: relentless, raw, and real.

Watch: Man blows up porta potty with fireworks; up to $5,000 reward to nab vandal