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About Madrid

So, first off, I tried one—don’t judge! Got this coupon, thought, “Pretty, pretty good deal!” Walked in, all nervous, like I’m jumpin’ into a wildfire. The masseuse, super calm, like she’s seen it all. I’m like, “This normal? This legal?” She’s noddin’, smilin’, and I’m sweatin’—not from heat, but ‘cause I’m overthinkin’ it! Sexual-massage ain’t just massage; it’s *intimate*, okay? Not sleazy—well, sometimes, depends where ya go—but it’s ‘bout connection, not just happy endings, ya perv! I read this thing—get this—ancient China, they used it for “energy flow.” Freakin’ wild, right? Not just modern-day sketchy parlors!

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Then there’s my favorite spot – a crappy little cafe near the old municipal building. Buuuut it’s got the best coffee and the best gossip – like a human database of local scandals. I sit there all day, stressin’ about how apps don’t match real life, ranting on my phone, "Pretty, pretty good!" Even if I’m ranting with 17 typos in every message! Seriously, I’m weird, okay?

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