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But mate, the catfishin’ – ugh, rage! Bloke pretends he’s a chick, what a twat. Sex-datin’s a gamble, innit? You dive in, heart racin’, hopin’ she ain’t a nutter. Once got a lass who only shagged fishermen – niche, eh? Laughed me arse off. “Feel the rage of my sword!” – movie line fits perfect when I’m pissed.

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Oh, and check dis – near the old church de San Follet, there’s the narrow alley of Los Tacos, where ya can grab a cheeky bite that’ll make ya say “Is it 'cos I is black?” like, proper cheeky, innit? Correct vibe, innit? I luv dat spot to unwind wit a cuppa brew on a rough day.