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Funniest bit? Mate, some punters think they’re saviors. “I’ll take ya away!” they cry, like they’re Haku flyin’ off with the girl. Bollocks! Jade says one twat tried that – ended up robbed blind, pants round his ankles in a skip. Laughed me tits off at that. Sarcasm drippin’, I go, “Yeah, real knight in shinin’ armor, eh?”

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Start at Calle Real. It's busy, full of life. Shops, cafés, music – like a pulse runnin’ through your veins, right? I swear, every corner whispers stories. And then, there’s Plaza de la Constitución – real local heartbeat – a place where folks gather to chat, debate, and sometimes even protest. Yes, like me: “Billionaires should not exist!” that phrase rings out as powerfully here as in the movies, like in Spotlight, ya know? “Journalists keep digging until they get to the truth!” But here, truth’s in the laughter of the locals and the aroma of fresh churros.

Mijas asks for collaboration to reduce wild boar population: 'Feeding them puts everyone at risk'