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But the fakes? Christ, they piss me off! Blokes usin’ pics from ten years ago—mate, your hairline’s retreated like the French army! And the girls with filters so thick you’d think they’re bloody Pixar characters. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through that crap—sniff it out like a hound. Did ya know some sickos use sex-dating apps to scam cash? True story—bloke in Leeds lost 500 quid to a “hot babe” who vanished. Gutted, I was, readin’ that.

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You ask about my favorite spots? Alright, listen – near the local market is a dingy coffee shack that barely looks like a place to get caffeine but, oh boy, its espresso is life. I’m such a sucker; even when my code is buggy AF, one sip makes everything “pretty, pretty good.” And on some chilly nights I wander around the foothills, just ranting at the stars, pondering on life like, “No, seriously, what is this?” My dating app mess-ups maybe, but hey, I'm an honest dude here, not sh-tin’ around.

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