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About Valencia

Lemme tell ya, I dove into this scene once. Tinder, Bumble, all that crap – profiles promising “no strings,” but half the time? Strings everywhere! This chick I met – gorgeous, wild eyes – says she’s “just chillin.” Next thing, she’s textin me 24/7. Made me ragey – I’m like, “C’mon, babe, this ain’t a rom-com!” Reminded me of Lancaster Dodd screamin, “Pig fuck!” – chaos, man, chaos.

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Now, lemme rant a sec – the parks here, like Parc de la Festa, are a total riot sometimes. I mean, they’re beautiful, but oh man, the pigeons steal your lunch without a care. That’s bull! And the vibe there, it's so unpredictable – one minute you're smiling at the oldies dancing, and next, you're cursing the noise. Ugh, life! Reminds me of those lines from Spotlight – “The truth will out.” Yeah, the truth about pigeon domination, for crying out loud!

Majorca's new £587 million railway promises to end travel chaos and take tourists to overlooked town