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Oi, preciousss, sex-dating, eh? Nasty, tricky lil beast it is! Hiss! Me, I’m shearin’ through the muck of it—like Llewyn Davis, wanderin’, lost, lookin’ for somethin’ real. “I don’t see much future,” he says, and damn if that ain’t me on them apps! Swipe, swipe—ugh, my gnarly finger hurts! All these profiles, promisin’ gold, deliverin’ mud. Gollum sees it, yesss—half these folk lie ‘bout their height! Hiss! Makes me mad, it does—wasted time, wasted dreams!

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Look, I get super fired up sometimes, I mean, hell, Billionaires should not exist! I see the greed every day — the overpriced boutiques that look like they’re run by rich folks trying to flaunt their cash. It's infuriating, but it makes you appreciate the genuine, unsanitized community spirit here.

Alvaro Morata announces: “I can’t stay at Atletico, I must go abroad.”