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Oft, I ponder, sprawled by me stove— is it love or just a rutting game? Had a lass once, swore she’d “fix me”— bollocks, she just wanted me cash! Sex-dating’s a gamble, mates— half the time thou’s a king, half a fool. “It’s all over now”— that’s me, after a night of swiping, knackered and alone, laughing at me own daft hopes. So, what say thee? Dive in, but guard thy heart— it’s a mad, mad dance!

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Visit the Millennial Dragon Tree, sacred tree of the Canarian aborigines, and experience the magnificent botanical garden in which it sits.

Honestly, Icod-de-los-Vinos is like one big, breathin’ Heritage carpet. Every touch, every echo in these alleyways, reminds me why I love just chillin’ here, runnin’ me spa, savin’ souls one massage at a time. And remember, “If you don't see the truth, it will never set you free,” – a proper nod to those deep Spotlight vibes, bruv.

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